


The Rouges

by DCJoKeRHS



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Civil War, Civil War (Marvel), Civil War Fix-It, Crack, Gen, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 21:41:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21925825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DCJoKeRHS/pseuds/DCJoKeRHS
Summary: There is one continuous misspelling that makes me laugh Every Darn Time, so now I'm putting that into crack-filled context.(Also, Team Cap shooting at Team Iron with paint instead of weaponized metal?! Who doesn't like that idea? X'D)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 15





	The Rouges

It was very easy to tell who was on which side, when all things came down to it.

As a member of Team Iron Man, you were badass, looked cool, fought amazingly!!!

And didn't have red paint or copious amounts of blusher on your face.

"Your whole mask is red! You could be an honorary member!" Captain America, blue suit and serious expression absolutely _ruined_ by the thick blend of blusher and acrylic paint, yells.

"I'm sorry, Captain America, Sir!" Peter yells, webbing Steve's feet, "Mr Stark told me you were going to say that and I don't want to deal with the _spot breakouts_!"

Wanda throws a house-sized water balloon, visibly ready to burst with red paints of various colours, down towards Tony.

"Haha! You _thought_!" Tony yells, popping the bubble with a fancy lazer blast, blue light surrounding the suit as the paint just runs off of him, "I brought _paint thinner_!"

"WE'RE MAKING A BRAND NEW FASHION, STARK!" Wanda roars.

"I AM NOT GETTING RED PAINT STUCK IN MY WRINKLES OR BEARD!" Tony screams back, "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THE DETOX FOR THE PAINT IN MY PORES WOULD COST?!"

"YOU'RE A BILLIONAIRE!" Clint yells, finally escaping T'Challa's paws.

"The way is clear! Get to the jet!" Sam yells, "Take Bucky and go!"

"Seriously?! _You_ _agree_ with them?!" Rhodey yells, "You're a military man! You at least get mud on your face!"

"I'm wearing Brick mud!" Sam replies, grinning.

"...Fair," Rhodey mutters, "Wait, won't that make some kinda cement?!"

"It stays in place!" Sam responds, sounding hurt, as Rhodey's path gets interrupted by a gigantic guy.

"Don't look at me," Scott grumbles, "My kid thought I'd look pretty and the my hero promoted it! Of course I'd help him!"

"HE'S MY HERO TOO, BUT I'M NOT AN IDIOT!" Tony yells.

"I'd resent that if you weren't right," Scott grumbles, "Though I hacked your place in my sleep, once."

"WHAAAT?!"

T'Challa moves to stop Barnes and Rogers from escaping, though Natasha stops him, w gun in hand.

"Ms Romanov, you do not have to do this," he says, raising his hands.

"I'm doing it, for them," Natasha says, "Either Steve will find a new passion or Tony will give up and at least wear red lipgloss, I just have to be patient."

"He's planning to spray the whole planet in"

The paint gun fires, and the Panther King falls.

"TRAITOR!" Tony roars, as Natasha escapes, only to see Vision's attempt to spray Sam with a high-pressure hosse of paint-thinner fail, coating Rhodey's suit instead.

"NOOO!" Tony roars, as Rhodey's suit locks up and he falls towards a vat of red paint, "RHODEYYY!"

Rhodey grabs the rim of the vat, though his legs are already gone to The Rouges.

"TONY!"

Tony grabs Rhodey and gets him to safety, only to see the entire field, including himself, getting splattered in red paint.

"...God damn it."

**Author's Note:**

> ROUGE
> 
> /ruːʒ/  
> verb  
> 3rd person present: rouges  
> colour with rouge.  
> "her brightly rouged cheeks"
> 
> ARCHAIC  
> apply rouge to one's cheeks.  
> "she rouged regularly now"
> 
> FRENCH: Rouge  
> ENGLISH: Red


End file.
